***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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