my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
