i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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