TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
