apparently the secret to your success is patron
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize