I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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