dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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