How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Randomize
