dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
