I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
