Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
