Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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