yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
