I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
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