Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
