Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i would punch a child for taco bell
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
