mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
