who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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