i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
