That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
