also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
