i think my tv is drunk
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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