# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
