do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
