You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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