Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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