ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
