Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
