Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
