I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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