I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
