I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
