mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
