found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
