Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
