to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
