i don't like sucking hair
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
