Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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