its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
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