I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
