in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
