I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Less talking, more tequila
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
