And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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