3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
whose ass print is on the piano?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
