this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
