I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
