No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
