I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
