he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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