In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
