I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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