pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Come on in and take your pants off
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