I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
