I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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