I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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