She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I think I sprained my soul last night
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize