I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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