Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
