he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
