he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
