he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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