Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
