I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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