I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
