he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
