I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize