Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
