she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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